


There is no Glory

by capirony



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Immortality, Just angst, M/M, all relationships are implied, im disgusted by the angst i wrote, main relationship is ryan/ray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-07
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 11:18:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2579636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capirony/pseuds/capirony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray is immortal and it's not easy. A small drabble following his life from begging to end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is no Glory

**Author's Note:**

> **major character death because, spoiler alert (not really a spoiler at all), ray dies in the end**  
>  idk i didnt mean for it to turn out like this. meant for it to be a raywood only fic but whoops look at this.

He doesn’t think about how he came to be, he just knew that his father had been there and then he hadn’t. His mother was his only family and he knew, even from a young age, that he had to protect her with his life. Early on, his mother had told him about what she was and what she had to do but it had only served to confuse poor, young Ray, and in turn made him very unprepared when his mother looked the same when he was 14 as when he was 7. 

She tells him about what will happen when he turns 25 and what might not happen. She tells him what she needs to do and what he needs to do in both cases and Ray decides that he doesn’t like either option. They cry a lot and they yell a lot, but it’s always in fear and never in anger. Ray loves his mother, sticking to the plan of protection, immortal or not.

When he's 22 he thinks about love and what it would mean for him. He thinks about the love he has for his mother and he thinks about the love he has for another reason entirely. He thinks about the soft curve of a body against his own, the smooth press of lips against his skin, the gentle caress of a hand on his cheek. He thinks about what it would feel like to live a normal life and hopes, not for the first time, that he was just that; normal. But then he thinks about the love he has for his mother and leaves all previous thoughts behind. Besides, who needs love when you can live forever?

He’s 26 and his mother cries and Ray knows he’s got a long road ahead of him. 

He's 79 and he sees a woman with deadly curves and a stunning smile and he wonders what it would feel like to hold her for a night or two. Her red lipstick would look incredible on his surprisingly pale skin and her neck would look beautiful covered in his kiss marks. He watches her walk away, well aware that his face never even crossed her mind.

He's 150 when he celebrates a weird event with nobody and thinks about all the people he has already lost. He tends to lose contact with people he loves too soon, paranoid that they'll start asking questions about his body and his growth-- or lack thereof. His mother had warned him about getting too close to people, of opening himself up to people who had the luxury of death. He tries not to think about loving someone like his mother had loved his father; she talks about him too much and too sadly for Ray to follow in her footsteps

He's 237 when he realizes he isn't tired yet. His body hasn't aged since it stopped growing at 25 years old but that's fine with him. Really, he's fine with it. His mother didn't look like his mother due to her own permanent age of 25 and people often mistook them for lovers (the pair just laugh obnoxiously to each other and continue on their merry way whenever it happens). His mother has been alive for much, _much_ longer than he has at this point and he wonders if she has ever gotten bored. He has time to ask her, but he also has time to dismiss the idea and ignore the fact that he might become bored, too. He didn't like the possibility of becoming bored.

He's 300 years old when he tries to remember the last time he celebrated a birthday, and he wonders when was the last time his mother had smiled. She seemed to be slowing down, breaking down right in front of him and he was helpless to do anything. He wonders how long she's been living, breathing, _surviving_ and he doesn't ask her. She doesn't tell him unprompted, either. 

He's 301 when his mother bursts into flames only he can see and he is alone for the first time in his life.

He's 350 when he stops being sad and continues to live (not like he had much of a choice). He couldn't die anyway, not until he meets his own fate, much like his mother had. He wonders what life is like once you die, and he finds himself scared of death for the first time he can ever recall. He feels old, but he knows his mother was older and he remembers how much fire she had about him when he was young. He has a long way to go and he's scared to venture forth alone. He doesn't know what to expect with his mentor now gone for good. He feels lonely for a long time.

He's 400 when he thinks he has fallen in love. He lets the man into his life, hoping they don't stay together long enough that Ray has to explain himself, but secretly wishing they would. He doesn't tell him about himself much, a master of turning the conversation around so he isn't the center of attention. The man is insanely handsome, all tattoos and smug demeanor, a laugh so contagious that Ray found himself loving him more and more with each day. They're together for three years, and when his love turns 32 and Ray still looks like he's 25, Ray leaves.

He's 500 when he realizes love is stupid and he definitely should _not_ be falling in love again. But there he was, falling for a grumpy man with curly hair the warmest eyes one could ever imagine. Ray wonders how long they'll be together and wonders how long it'll be until he has to leave as well. His lover never asks much of him and their relationship is easy and fun. He doesn't remember the last time he had had so much fun with another human being, but like all good things, this must also come to an end. The man asks him a question one day and Ray is gone the next.

He's 600 when he falls in love with a man with the most stunning beard he has ever seen. This man is all smiles and gentle caresses, everything Ray thinks he loves, and Ray does indeed learn to love it. He hadn't been searching for someone at that time, but he finds him nonetheless and he gives into the pressure of want and the man follows. They aren't together for long when the bearded man leaves him for the pretty girl that he deserves and Ray only cries for a few days. A few days was nothing compared to the life Ray had already lived, but the bearded man was none the wiser. Ray leaves with a sore heart.

He's 700 when he travels back to the other side of the world and meets a man with a stupid accent and an even stupider attitude. Ray falls in love with him anyway, holding him just as closely as he had with his past lovers. He tries to convince himself in the beginning that he doesn't need this lover, that he doesn't need the heartache again, but he falls anyway to the coy smiles and the pleading eyes. Ray loves him and the man loves him back, but he's smart behind the stupid ploy and he asks Ray too many questions too often and Ray has to leave. He tells him that he's going this time, but he doesn't tell him why. The man with the accent accepts his silence and Ray goes, heartbroken again.

He spends a long time alone and he feels himself become weaker and weaker. He's 800 and he wonders if this is how his mother had felt when she was hitting her limit. He wonders if she had gotten this old or if he had many years to come. He wonders if he was going make it to his end and he wonders what would happen to him if he just _stopped_.

He's 995 and he's tired.

He's 995 and he meets the man of his dreams. He's all strong arms and gentle hugs, huge, caring smiles meant only for Ray. Ray allows him this, allows himself the sweet kiss of another, the tender embrace of love. He's so tired but he doubts his lover could ever know. The man is perfect, everything Ray had been dreaming about since he was 22 years old. He can hardly remember anything from back then but the thought doesn't phase him as much as it used to. He knows he's meeting his end; he can feel it in his bones. He has lived long enough.

He's 996 when he tells his lover about himself. After the first nervous explanation is met with nothing but sincere silence and slight confusion, Ray opens up to him more. He tells him about his life; his mother, his lovers, his body. He tells him about his thoughts, about his regrets, about his hope for a new, better world beyond his demise and of his fears. He starts to wonder aloud, always surprised by his lovers logical responses and soft kisses pressed against trembling skin. 

He's 997 when he tells his lover he can't marry him, and he tells him why. His lover understands and Ray is the opposite of heartbroken when his lover wants to marry him anyway. They're engaged and Ray is happy, but he’s still _so_ tired.

He's 998 when he tells his lover he's afraid, and he responds by holding him even tighter in the darkness of night, whispering the sweetest of nothings to try to calm him down. Ray doesn't want to leave this man, but he knows his end is soon. Ray loves him and tells him it as often as his nervousness would allow.

He's 999 when he knows the jig is up. He laughs only once about the fact that 1000 is the lucky number and his lover holds him when he can’t hold back his sobs anymore. He's the most tired he's ever been and his bones feel like breaking. His partner reminds him every day how much he loves him and Ray smiles through the tears as he replies a soft “I know”. He wonders if he'll leave in a puff of fire like his mother, or if it’s different for every one of his kind (he still didn’t know of others, but he was sure they existed and felt the same pain he did). His lover tells him to go out in a blaze of glory and Ray agrees with the saddest laugh he's ever heard.

He's 1000 when he hold his lover for the last time and he feels his world crumble around him.  


And for once, he feels free.


End file.
